It's been a long time since I came around...

Sorry... I just had to start out with some Lady Gaga lyrics. I've been going through some of my older music and her album went to the top of my play list. :)

So, it has been a while. I don't really like taking a break from blogging. I felt that I needed to though. It was great motivation and very inspirational but I felt like I was becoming obsessed and not in a healthy way. I was doing great for months then I hit rock bottom and began to binge on food. Some healthy (assumed but if you look at the nutritional facts/label, it's actually the opposite) and mostly unhealthy food. I gained back the 15 lbs I had lost plus a few (not many but my fat jeans were super tight!). Fall is around the corner so, naturally, I wanted to go shopping! School supply shopping (for my home office), shoe shopping, clothes shopping, home decor shopping, etc. But the sad thing is... I refused to let myself go shopping for any type of clothes. I was ashamed of myself and in denial. I would continue to wear clothes that didn't fit right or made me uncomfortable, in hopes that they would fit in a month or so. No wonder I hit rock bottom. I hated what I saw in the mirror and it overwhelmed me.

Grant urged me to find some jeans that fit and were comfortable (since I couldn't wear my jeans to work anymore and I was too embarrassed to show up in business clothes on Fridays). I found some pants that were my size (not the next size up) and made me feel good. I wasn't happy about it but the fact that I was able to fit into them made it ok. At least I have some cute pants for fall. Black skinny leggings from Express and some dark teal blue skinny jeans. I thought they were going to make me look horrible since I can't fit into my knee-high boots. But they look pretty good with my Toms so I kept them. They look even better with heels.

My focus is on being healthy and small goals. I was hoping for too much too fast. I decided that my long term goal was to get to 150lbs with no deadline. My short terms goals are a few lbs here and there. For instance, I want to be 233 by my birthday (September 19th = 7 days). I weighed in at 235.8 this morning. I have set a weekly date (every Friday morning) for my official weigh-in. Another goal I have is to be 200lbs by December 27th (last Friday in December) which is approximately 2lbs/week. I know it's a big goal but I need something to hold on to through the holidays. Plus, that will make me fit into some of my old clothes again, which is the ultimate Christmas gift to myself. I'll probably even buy myself a new pair of boots. ;) For the small goals, I usually will reward myself with something small, like some new makeup or cute jewelry from a local boutique store. My mid-size goals (mid-term weight or pants size goals) will be articles of clothing (like a top or jeans). My ultimate goal is a whole new wardrobe. New clothes that fit me and are not cheap. I would love to buy a gorgeous pair of Miss Me jeans.

This is a lot to think about and hope for. My husband has been helping me so much the past couple of weeks. In the last 3 weeks, I have lost 6.7 lbs. It's not a lot but it's a starting point. I can't wait to turn that into a 10lb loss or a 25lb loss.