Wow... Thinking about my weight-loss journey and how I'm super disappointed in myself, I realized that I'm a beautiful and strong person. This year has been wild, stressful, exciting, beautiful and by far the biggest year of my life. I am proud of myself, regardless of my size.
Let me backtrack...
Earlier this year, I fell off the fit-wagon because I was working 55+ hours a week at a desk job and trying to do photography as a hobby. I was on standby to fly out of state for a strike that never happened. I put my life on hold for my job. I was stressed out beyond belief and it really affected my health. I hated going to work. I hated coming home from work. I hated everything. My depression was made worse by the anxiety and stress from working too many hours, not getting enough sleep and not eating enough of the right foods (any food in general). I was spiraling even when I was trying to become healthy.
One day in March, I hit a wall. I was tired. I was burned out. I was full of regret and hurt. I was angry at the littlest things and miserable. I got a text from my husband saying that I could quit my job and we'd be fine on one income for a while. That stressed me out more than it excited me. I'm not a quitter. But yet, I had given up on everything else (see the problem there?). I felt stuck. I wasn't good at photography (or should I say, I was scared of going full-time because I couldn't get any clients) and I didn't want to lose the passion I had for it.
Later that week, I was told a position had become available for the new school year at a local private school. It was a low-income, secretary position. I knew I was desperate to get out of my job when I told my husband that I was willing to give up everything for a secretary position at a school (blasphemy -- I don't like children. Why would I do such a thing?). I updated my resume and emailed it to my mother-in-law and told her to pass it on to whomever needed it and not to recommend me. I'd hate to know the only reason I got the position was because of my name. Yes, I am that down on myself and yet proud enough to know that I deserve a chance. A few days later, I got a call from the school asking me to interview for the position. I was so nervous and excited. I was also anxious and scared. I went to the job interview and sat down. We had a little chat while everyone came in and then they asked me a couple of questions (not even job related) and asked me if I was ok with $$$ salary. I was shocked. They didn't want me as a secretary. They wanted me for my job skills. I became the IT Support for the school and a dual enrollment coordinator for the local colleges. I do some minor secretary stuff but I am most definitely not a secretary. My life changed. I became happier and more anxious than ever. I needed to keep my job for a few more months because we needed to pay off bills and a vacation we had already booked.
In May, I turned in my 3 week notice after coming back from the said vacation and both of my parent's hip surgeries (mom's was broken and dad's was planned). I had 4 panic attacks during those 3 weeks. I worked 60+ hours to wrap up projects because I couldn't bear dropping my work and burning bridges. I had never been so tired and sick as I was those weeks. I took a week off between jobs and started at the school on July 1st. It took me a few weeks to get out of my shell and relax. It was amazing but after 3 or 4 weeks, I was happier, my hair stopped falling out and I could sleep all night. The weight stopped gaining. The headaches disappeared. The stomach pains went away. I had two more panic attacks while I was destressing. It's like my body was trying to restart.
My hair started growing back (with some grays) and my skin is looking a little better. I haven't lost any weight (thanks to the school food) but it hasn't increased. My photography business has taken off too. Everything is better. I turned 25 in September and decided I was going to make this the best year ever. My sister had her baby in October and I'm the happiest Naddie in the world.
There's a lot still going on but I'm content... finally. I'm trying to come to terms with my body and get back into my healthy routines. I'm still in transition from all of the life changes but I feel great and eager to get back on track. I need to update my stats and pics and get new meal plans and workout plans. I'm thinking about going back to Paleo and Jamie Eason. They were a great set up for me so I think I'll give it another chance.
Comment below if you have some great recipes, tips or inspiration. Or if you'd just like to chat. ;)
xo-Madeline
Let me backtrack...
Earlier this year, I fell off the fit-wagon because I was working 55+ hours a week at a desk job and trying to do photography as a hobby. I was on standby to fly out of state for a strike that never happened. I put my life on hold for my job. I was stressed out beyond belief and it really affected my health. I hated going to work. I hated coming home from work. I hated everything. My depression was made worse by the anxiety and stress from working too many hours, not getting enough sleep and not eating enough of the right foods (any food in general). I was spiraling even when I was trying to become healthy.
One day in March, I hit a wall. I was tired. I was burned out. I was full of regret and hurt. I was angry at the littlest things and miserable. I got a text from my husband saying that I could quit my job and we'd be fine on one income for a while. That stressed me out more than it excited me. I'm not a quitter. But yet, I had given up on everything else (see the problem there?). I felt stuck. I wasn't good at photography (or should I say, I was scared of going full-time because I couldn't get any clients) and I didn't want to lose the passion I had for it.
Later that week, I was told a position had become available for the new school year at a local private school. It was a low-income, secretary position. I knew I was desperate to get out of my job when I told my husband that I was willing to give up everything for a secretary position at a school (blasphemy -- I don't like children. Why would I do such a thing?). I updated my resume and emailed it to my mother-in-law and told her to pass it on to whomever needed it and not to recommend me. I'd hate to know the only reason I got the position was because of my name. Yes, I am that down on myself and yet proud enough to know that I deserve a chance. A few days later, I got a call from the school asking me to interview for the position. I was so nervous and excited. I was also anxious and scared. I went to the job interview and sat down. We had a little chat while everyone came in and then they asked me a couple of questions (not even job related) and asked me if I was ok with $$$ salary. I was shocked. They didn't want me as a secretary. They wanted me for my job skills. I became the IT Support for the school and a dual enrollment coordinator for the local colleges. I do some minor secretary stuff but I am most definitely not a secretary. My life changed. I became happier and more anxious than ever. I needed to keep my job for a few more months because we needed to pay off bills and a vacation we had already booked.
In May, I turned in my 3 week notice after coming back from the said vacation and both of my parent's hip surgeries (mom's was broken and dad's was planned). I had 4 panic attacks during those 3 weeks. I worked 60+ hours to wrap up projects because I couldn't bear dropping my work and burning bridges. I had never been so tired and sick as I was those weeks. I took a week off between jobs and started at the school on July 1st. It took me a few weeks to get out of my shell and relax. It was amazing but after 3 or 4 weeks, I was happier, my hair stopped falling out and I could sleep all night. The weight stopped gaining. The headaches disappeared. The stomach pains went away. I had two more panic attacks while I was destressing. It's like my body was trying to restart.
My hair started growing back (with some grays) and my skin is looking a little better. I haven't lost any weight (thanks to the school food) but it hasn't increased. My photography business has taken off too. Everything is better. I turned 25 in September and decided I was going to make this the best year ever. My sister had her baby in October and I'm the happiest Naddie in the world.
There's a lot still going on but I'm content... finally. I'm trying to come to terms with my body and get back into my healthy routines. I'm still in transition from all of the life changes but I feel great and eager to get back on track. I need to update my stats and pics and get new meal plans and workout plans. I'm thinking about going back to Paleo and Jamie Eason. They were a great set up for me so I think I'll give it another chance.
Comment below if you have some great recipes, tips or inspiration. Or if you'd just like to chat. ;)
xo-Madeline
Wrote by Maddy Grace
